God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
