I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
