There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
