I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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