Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
