he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
