Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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