Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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