woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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