When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
not ubering you a puppy
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
