his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
