my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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