We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
