Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize