I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize