if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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