tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
