Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
