My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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