Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
