his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When are your genitals available?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
