I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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