Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
