I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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