I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize