I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
