Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
