When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
