Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
