i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He did a backflip because drugs
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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