I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
