Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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