You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
