The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
