i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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