Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
