Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize