Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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