i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
