I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I know her cup size but not her name....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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