do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
