I skipped work to stalk him.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
