he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
