Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
