You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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