So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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