God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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