I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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