She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
