I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
