I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
