If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
