Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
