I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize