I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
