12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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