that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
