She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
