At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
