how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
