Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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