Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
