The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
