this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
