Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
