I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
