Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
